I don't know if it is because DeVante was sick in bed all last weekend and I felt as if I didn't get to spend any time with him or if the pure excitement of him in the police academy is slightly wearing off...But I believe this week has been and will be the hardest in our academy adventure.
Though I don't give specific details, I have no shame in sharing that DeVante and I have had our share of battles throughout our four years. The challenges of those battles have been shining bright this week (to say the least). I will admittedly say I nearly lost my sh*t on more than one occasion the past couple days. I have been upset and completely doubted this process.
Long-distance relationships: I have never been one who could flourish in one. That have accepted and owned. Personally, that is just one of my boundaries in a relationship. Though I do have an amplitude of respect for couples who can do it flawlessly and in complete happiness. My best friend did it with grace for many years with her now husband.
I just ain't about that life! And it has been clear this week.
Through my rough nights and time to myself, I have had a lot of reflection on what it means to be a police "wife". I am not sure if the term insinuates that you instantly become fearless or fiercely independent; or that you keep your fears, doubts, worries, and uncertainties to yourself. In my time of this new self-recognition, I suppose in a way all of the above are true. I believe it still has to be important to know yourself; that your man in uniform knows your true self as well. You still have feelings and worries; concerns and doubts. Your excessive pride for your man doesn't make that disappear.
What it does do: Gives you a new perspective.
Maybe all of these changes do not happen instantly...maybe you adjust and ease into this life. But it does quickly change things. Especially, how you see things and those around you.
This may be tied for our biggest challenge yet thus far.
But, after I take a deep breath, I am up for the challenge.
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